I spun a web, and I'm caught in the middle...
Oh Coldplay, how I love you so...
such the soundtrack to my life.
I feel like in the past year and a half, every season of my life can and has been matched up with a song, or simply a lyric from Coldplay.
I've spun a web and i'm caught in the middle right now. I never mean to, or meant to cause anyone trouble. Oddly enough, the person I cause the most trouble is myself.
How can I know that the decisions I've made are right?
I can't know.
I need to remember that God will be with me wherever I go.
My hearts desire is to be pleasing to God. I just long to be obedient.
I'm sorry blog world, I don't have a lot for you today, besides that I am struggling.
When will I be confident in myself, and the decisions I make?
Sometimes, I really get discouraged by the walk we are on as Christians. I think to myself how I didn't have a care in the world when I was living for me, and not for Christ. At times I think, oh how nice it would be to go the MSU, and hang out with my best friends, party, dance, stay out late...instead, I am struggling through huge life decisions, working my butt off to go back to the armpit of Indiana, and go to a small school with a lot of rules that I don't even agree with.
Then I remember...
I live for relationships...that's what makes me tick. Starting new relationships, fighting for broken ones, and everything in between are the things I thrive most upon. So, God has blessed me with some of the most amazing relationships in the past couple years, as I've really committed everything to Him. Brian, and everyone at REAL, my small group girls (a bigger blessing to me than they'll ever know), the interns, IWU friends, Virginia, Rach, Jord, Julie, my young adult small group, the pastors at SLWC, the profs at IWU, specifically Mazellan, Bekah, and Chris. All of these relationships have shaped me and molded me. Some will last a lifetime, and others will be short lived, BUT they are all so significant in making me who I am.
As I struggle, and question things, God always reminds me of the treasure that He is. Nothing compares to Him. The most important relationship I have acquired has been my relationship with Christ. This relationship is the most important in my life, and I will do anything necessary to protect it. I will fight for this relationship with all that I am.
Sometimes when I've spun a web and I'm caught in the middle...I realize that once i'm caught all I can do is surrender to whatever it is that is bigger than me, and realize that God is trying to teach me something, and it is only by His way that I will ever find my way out
Maybe "trouble" is good.
goodnight, and I love you.
posted by Jess and Casper @ 8:31 PM
2 Comments:
yippy I'm the first small group girl to comment. Brian had us make an influence puzzle at our youth leaders meeting. So I sat there and thought about it and why I want to be a youth leader. Your name took up a part of the puzzle. Freshman year I was really worried because most of my friends were 8th graders. You became out leader and you helped us bond into something, something that was dependable. I knew you would be there and we pretty much came to goof off in group. Something’s have and others having changed at all. But from that "quadrilligy" time came something that made real something different, like ours or something. It made us stink to it. I've grown so much from Gods leading through you. You always ask the right questions honestly sometimes i just sit and take mental notes for my girls. I just though you should know you have made such a difference!!
sometimes I think that this web we find ourselves in is much more spun as an act of God, trying to catch us. He wants to suck all the life out of us so He can fill us up with Him. Life is all about asking the right questions. Your raw and open heart is so depictive of what it means to truly love God and go after Him, keep on swimming in the deep streams of life, and know that I pray for you every step of the way.
Shalom
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